Throw away the bad, Cherish the good

Just got off facebook chat with my Sid. And its left a gaping hole of misery in its wake.

He cant get no signal, as he's now somewhere by bermuda, so its messages and by chance tonight we discovered eachother on facebook at the same time even though are time differences are way apart.

I fucking love that man so much.

I dont know if its the distance, you know all that absence making the heart grow fonder. Or I have just realised  how very much I love him while hes been or gone, or the fact most other people bore me in comparrison.

Very judgemnetal of me I know, but I really cant be fucked with anyone.

Im due on, AGAIN! It always seems Im due fucking on. So sore boobs, feeling shit mixed with depression and missing my love.

I have still been recieving missed calls off Mr Maybe, how very strange?! He deffo wants a slice of BabyFlower Pie. But he is just not going to get it. He sampled it, and basically played with his food, and fucked me right over by being a total head fuck. Making me feel so insecure, and not good enough. The prick can go and take a running jump. I cant believe I actually thought I loved him. How jaded, How niave. Everyone saw it was doomed except me. I suppose thats life though hey cats.

You win some you lose some.

Im so fucking glad I lost him, I'd be some pill popping stepford wife by now, wearing twin sets and twice washing my tubberware sets. Eeewww.

So I have just been ignoring him, something I thought never was doable in my world. But it just goes to show hey.

Fate is a very strong and powerful thing, As I ve said numerous times, I believe everything happens for a reason....and in order to have met Sid/Yoko. I had a strings of things I had to discover about myself and these lead me to him. So im not complaining, pain is pain we all get it in life, we just have to heal ourselves in what way we can.

Like when my brother died, I thought Id never trust the world again. Terrible things were always going to happen. But yes, partly they do, but you have to enjoy the good times and the good people even more, laugh even harder. Because when the bad times come, they dont give you no warning. It will hit you like a tonne of fucking bricks. And eventually we'll heal, and the cycle continues. Thats of course if your strong enough to LOVE without fear, something Im trying to acheive at present.

People hurt us, people lie, cheat, take the piss. Be cruel when there isnt even a reason to be cruel.

This affects me greatly. I question why people like to cause hurt, but I suppose its an answer Im looking for, that wouldnt really do me any good if I knew the answer.

My answer  at this moment in time, and is likely to change, is to not involve mysef in the ficalities of gossip and slander. Ignore nastiness or jealousy and look to the people who I make happy and vise versa.

People who make me laugh, and our friendly and kind. Their the type of people I want to surround myself with.

There is so much gossip surrounding me lately, and I really cant be arsed listening or even hearing the whispers.

I think these people need to get their own lives instead of living through other peoples. Working all my life for other people sucks too. Its not that I dont like them or even Im unhappy. its just i dream so dear to own my own bistro, and unless I edit and turn this blog into a weird self help slash rom com slash depression encyclopedia, And make a few hundred thousand pounds, it doesnt look like Im getting it anytime soon. And even the thought of my original novel im writng, fucks up my mind. I cant even look at it at the moment, Im so fucking uninspired for this fantasy theme I have. I'm happier talking the bitter and twisted truth at the moment. I f I didnt I think I would most deifnatly implode or I'd be found wandering aimlessly in the town centre, speaking in tongues with only the pidgeons and rats for friends.

So, anyway, since my life actually DOES involve me not really having a choice, unless I wanna go on the dole. I have to continue. I am constantly on egg shells, wondering if the tittle tattle is on about me. Hearing gossip can do mad things to my head and make me very paranoid. 

And no, its nothing to do with the joint Im smoking. :)

I have to go to bed now. Not before I go down stairs and rummage in the fridge for a snack. Then curl up and expect another thrashing at work. :( while missing my sid. but as another day passes another day hes closer to coming home.

And to anyone who is missing someone tonight, and for one reason or another cant be with the person they love, trust in fate and let it guide you to them once more. And to those people who are alone, have hope, good things come to those who wait. Believe me I really know.

I believe happiness starts with, throwing away the bad, and cherishing the good. Its a start hey......

Peace and Love and BabyFlowers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx